A Man, a Woman and a Dream: Romance in a Time of Turmoil

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  1. What Makes a Man Fall (and Stay) in Love…at Five Minutes, Five Months, Five Years
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Household tasks can expand along with the size, composition, and changing needs of a family. Perhaps a child is involved in serious athletic or music activities; perhaps a relative has joined the household and, in addition to bringing resources into it, needs occasional support from it.

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When children leave, the empty nest requires additional adaptations. At work, those born a decade or two later mature with new perspectives and ideas and we realize we are no longer the Young Turks. Career dreams may have matured or been modified. Many of these changes arrive gradually, barely noticed by our conscious selves.

At the same time, the years can bring hard-won wisdom born of struggling through our life lessons, dealing with losses and new opportunities, learning what we do and do not want, what brings pleasure and what simply clutter, what creates meaning in our lives and what makes our life feel empty. We instinctively compare ourselves to those who were in school when we were, who voted in the same elections and perhaps served in the same wars, who remember the same hurricanes and earthquakes, watched the same celebrities and television shows.

Those born before MTV videos hear the music of their teen years in their heads; those born after, see the videos. Each age cohort learned its culture through similar media. They contemplated international travel, global warming , the rise or fall of divorce rates through a particular frame of reference and perhaps with different conclusions. By midlife, we no longer experience or discover the world—or ourselves—as quite the exotic place or person they once were. Both the forces of age and of our specific generation frame relationships as they evolve. The research of Stanford psychologist Laura Carstensen can help us make sense of the changes that come as we move through our years.

She has devoted her professional life to studying the near universality of midlife changes in motivation and, with them, goals. According to socioemotional selectivity theory and data, pleasure, joy and meaning in the present begin to override pursuit of some vision that may or may not ever materialize. For example, I happily gave up my dream of piloting a plane because I cared more about providing security for my college-bound children.

Physical risks and financial costs were not worth the anticipated accomplishment. Instead, I found less spectacular ways to meet and master challenges that better served the life I was in. And, eventually, to write and publish a memoir , the story that began with that trip. I wanted to share it with others whom it might inspire.


What Makes a Man Fall (and Stay) in Love…at Five Minutes, Five Months, Five Years

Awareness of mortality brings an increased priority for using the time one has remaining for investing in fewer but more rewarding connections to others. Those that are not rewarding can be abandoned. Census data analyzed at Bowling Green State University showed that from to the divorce rate among couples fifty years old and over had doubled.

More midlife American couples were re-evaluating their choices. The inevitable outcome is that more midlife people are unwed and re-wed. And romantic love endures. New singles who have reached midlife bring with them a history of patterns in relationships—whom they choose, how they communicate, what they expect in a partner and from a relationship.

These default repetitions are unlikely to change unless some experience makes a person consciously want a different path. They have usually dealt with illnesses, crises, perhaps a loss of functioning in some area and the death of someone important to them. Their resilience has been tested. With awareness of mortality and the reassurance of their own survival, they come into a new love relationship with a very different perspective than that of the young man or woman who may have not yet explored the role of an intimate relationship in his or her life.

Good insights. Wondering if this is why, at 56, I have given up on my career and am seriously considering leaving the area and going back to my farm regardless of the economic cost. I caretook the last of family until they passed, have no children. Can no longer stand to be indoors for long periods, subject to schedules and routines.

Really doing a lot of serious reading about downsizing, intentional personal economic collapse.

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However, my need for a good relationship with an equal and good community is also greater than ever. Feel restless and in conflict in an interesting way. You can do it! You're still so young 56 is not old. Good luck it sounds like you know what you want or don't want for that matter. I hope you find what you need and want. But there is an undercurrent of attraction between them that is initially undetectable.

The only reason I guessed there might be something is because it was a Korean drama. Jang Ha Ri Ryu Hwayoung finds him particularly untrustworthy, but the sparks between them are of firework proportions.

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The two are professional and merely dance around each other for what seems like eons before they finally come together in any sort of romantic sense. That slow-burning tension is what makes their eventual union so satisfying. The tale of a brilliant doctor with autism trying to find his footing in a hospital headed by people with little understanding of the way he functions is bound to focus mostly on his trials and hospital politics.

And the show does focus on those things quite heavily. Park Shi On Joo Won struggles in his new hospital environment as people treat him harshly, refuse to try and understand him, and plot to politically oust him from his medical program. This romance burns slowly merely for the reason that Shi On takes a while to process the emotional aspects of his life. He is an underdog and watching him find romance with a woman who has the kindness and the heart to truly see him is very satisfying. Park Kae In Son Ye Jin , a furniture designer who is the daughter of a famous architect, is burned by love and swears off men.

She lives in the beautiful modernized hanok Korean-style home designed by her father. Her slovenly living style clashes with his pristine neatness, but still, the two fall for each other. The nature of this relationship, however untrue, forces the two to remain nothing more than close friends for quite some time.

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Watching the two change for the better as they fall in love is sweet and induces all sorts of warm, fuzzy feelings. This is a story of how opposites attract. Hard-working mountain girl Yeo Bong Soon Eugene dreams of being a chef and earns the chance to learn the culinary arts at the presidential residence. When they are thrown together through a series of incidents both inside and outside of the presidential grounds, they start to get to know each other. The two were quite different. But as time goes on, they grow to understand one another and love slowly, slowly, ever so slowly, blooms.

This is perhaps the slowest romance on the list, especially because Bong Soon is quite infatuated with the second lead and her troubles with adjusting to city life after an unplugged mountain life is difficult. The small ways in which they learn to love and understand each other are so satisfying, especially because it takes so long for them to finally come together.

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An epic historical drama based on a woman, Jang Chae Ok Ha Ji Won is separated from her family and grows up to be an investigator. The man who raised and trained her in the martial arts, Hwangbo Yoon Lee Seo Jin , loves her as much as she does him. There is so much potent love and romantic tension dancing between them as the action of the drama ensues. The leader of a rebel group becomes a potential romantic interest, but his role in her life is much more than initially revealed. That secret, her investigations, and the rising rebel factions set the stage for a grand, epic romance that is steeped in blood and tears.

The similarities stop there, but Chae Ok and Yoon have always loved each other. That strong foundation carries them throughout the 14 episodes of the drama. But more than romance, this drama is about the intrigue, so we wait on tenterhooks waiting for the lovers to steal moments together. Best friends for life begin to live together, which challenges their feelings for each other. Throughout their friendship, they have actually liked each other romantically, but the timing has always been off. One of them has always been in a relationship. Now that they live together, that romantic tension antes up.

Watching them navigate old and new flings, careers, and their feelings for each other as they slowly come together is ridiculously satisfying. Na Bo Ri Gong Hyo Jin was expelled from high school, but works hard and secures a position at her former high school as a teacher.

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However, there is a pretty large caveat: she basically has to babysit the school troublemaker, Park Tae In Gong Yoo. As one of the earliest hits, this drama really went for the over-the-top interference and family issues, but the way that Bo Ri and Tae In grow closer over the series of crazy events is exactly what makes this drama a great watch.

The two also naturally come together as people with similar hurts and a similar love for fun and life.